This Morning
Jun. 26th, 2020 01:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
medusahealing...I was inspired to utilize this journal as my personal healing journal. To record my journey of self-healing from healing my body to my soul and mind.
Eight years ago I managed to heal my body and lose 70+ lbs, and have managed to gain it all back plus a couple more. I have realized that I can't just do the body, I have to work also with what caused the problems in the first place. Which for me means shadow work.
I was bullied from a young age to the time I graduated high school on and off. I did some bullying. The first bully I remember was a boy in First Grade when I was in Kindergarten. He would always twist my arm on the playground until I walloped him with my book bag. He asked me if I did it, and I denied it, but he never picked on me again.
When we moved from Utah to Germany we cut my hair shorter, and the boys started calling me Medusa. One of my healers that I have seen said it was because I had the eyes all over watching all sides to ensure that I was protected, and the boys picked up on that.
Then when we moved from Germany to Minnesota then Wisconsin, but brother told his bestie and it was back. I always felt really bad about this, because he was never really punished for it. I talked it over with my Dad once, and he was like your brother just did something stupid. I responded with that stupid moment cost me a great deal. It was a fresh start, and to have it ripped away because of one stupid mistake never really sat well with me.
I don't really think that he ever really realized how much it hurt to have something like that happen again. A couple of years ago I wrote him a letter. It helped a lot to get it out and address it, but he never responded about it. But it was very therapeutic for me to do. The girls started calling me deodorant eater. It's something to be said that this started happening in the girl's locker room, where you are more visually vulnerable.
Then we moved to Virginia where the boys started something new by calling my Michael Angelo, I don't remember what it was with the girls, but I remember one of them making me cry in English, and the teacher not doing anything about it.
I remember once instance when a teacher intervened. One. The way it was addressed the principal's office was do you like this girl, because sometimes boys pick on girls they like. Never had a problem with that guy again. I had one instance. One where one of my bullies apologized. He's a Paster now.
Louise Hay wrote You can Heal your Life and she mentioned in that book being overweight in the thighs deals with packed childhood anger and rage at the father. But I never really though I had rage at my father, but I guess I could have because he was never there, which meant lots of Mom time. As the oldest my mother and I never really clicked, but my Dad and I got along.
Being overweight in the Hips: Lumps of stubborn anger at the parents: My father said once that my mother always saw me as a challenge. when i did a meditation with my mother's soul, i was told that she found me intimidating, but I was an older soul than her. I To which I responded that we both chose to live this life together and in these roles. I'm going to have to really look deep to see where the anger fro my father is if it's there.
Being overweight in the Arms: Anger at being denied love I once got lost in the Wood, playing with the fae, when I found my way back, I sought the loving embrace of my Mother, and I was denied.
Being overweight in the Tummy: Anger at being denied nourishment: I remember those times being sent to bed because I did something with out food. Or when I was sick and couldn't accept food.
Being overweight: Over-sensitivity, often represents fear and a need for protection. fear may be a cover for anger and resistance to forgive. or Fear need for protection, running away from feelings, insecurity, self rejection, seeking fulfillment.
If I am overweight then I have protection. I don't need to make commitments, because I am safe within my own space. If I'm overweight then people will not like me, I don't have to be active, because it's too much, I don't have to...
Eight years ago I managed to heal my body and lose 70+ lbs, and have managed to gain it all back plus a couple more. I have realized that I can't just do the body, I have to work also with what caused the problems in the first place. Which for me means shadow work.
I was bullied from a young age to the time I graduated high school on and off. I did some bullying. The first bully I remember was a boy in First Grade when I was in Kindergarten. He would always twist my arm on the playground until I walloped him with my book bag. He asked me if I did it, and I denied it, but he never picked on me again.
When we moved from Utah to Germany we cut my hair shorter, and the boys started calling me Medusa. One of my healers that I have seen said it was because I had the eyes all over watching all sides to ensure that I was protected, and the boys picked up on that.
Then when we moved from Germany to Minnesota then Wisconsin, but brother told his bestie and it was back. I always felt really bad about this, because he was never really punished for it. I talked it over with my Dad once, and he was like your brother just did something stupid. I responded with that stupid moment cost me a great deal. It was a fresh start, and to have it ripped away because of one stupid mistake never really sat well with me.
I don't really think that he ever really realized how much it hurt to have something like that happen again. A couple of years ago I wrote him a letter. It helped a lot to get it out and address it, but he never responded about it. But it was very therapeutic for me to do. The girls started calling me deodorant eater. It's something to be said that this started happening in the girl's locker room, where you are more visually vulnerable.
Then we moved to Virginia where the boys started something new by calling my Michael Angelo, I don't remember what it was with the girls, but I remember one of them making me cry in English, and the teacher not doing anything about it.
I remember once instance when a teacher intervened. One. The way it was addressed the principal's office was do you like this girl, because sometimes boys pick on girls they like. Never had a problem with that guy again. I had one instance. One where one of my bullies apologized. He's a Paster now.
Louise Hay wrote You can Heal your Life and she mentioned in that book being overweight in the thighs deals with packed childhood anger and rage at the father. But I never really though I had rage at my father, but I guess I could have because he was never there, which meant lots of Mom time. As the oldest my mother and I never really clicked, but my Dad and I got along.
Being overweight in the Hips: Lumps of stubborn anger at the parents: My father said once that my mother always saw me as a challenge. when i did a meditation with my mother's soul, i was told that she found me intimidating, but I was an older soul than her. I To which I responded that we both chose to live this life together and in these roles. I'm going to have to really look deep to see where the anger fro my father is if it's there.
Being overweight in the Arms: Anger at being denied love I once got lost in the Wood, playing with the fae, when I found my way back, I sought the loving embrace of my Mother, and I was denied.
Being overweight in the Tummy: Anger at being denied nourishment: I remember those times being sent to bed because I did something with out food. Or when I was sick and couldn't accept food.
Being overweight: Over-sensitivity, often represents fear and a need for protection. fear may be a cover for anger and resistance to forgive. or Fear need for protection, running away from feelings, insecurity, self rejection, seeking fulfillment.
If I am overweight then I have protection. I don't need to make commitments, because I am safe within my own space. If I'm overweight then people will not like me, I don't have to be active, because it's too much, I don't have to...
