Be the Light in the Night

Two nights ago I did a meditation with my ancestors. Both my aunt Julie and my grandmother Catherine Riley showed up.

When I asked what I needed to do to create lasting change and healing, the book I was shown was called the Earth Diet. Which was a book that I had already owned, and was a book that I was intending to read.

After that book I was shown Warrior Goddess Healer I think. It's a red book with a woman doing yoga poses superimposed on a sun. I have it on my Kindle and I wonder if I should order it in a physical form.

But as I was reading the introduction she said something about going back to your roots which is something that has been coming up a lot lately.

The divine mother keeps telling me to look at my ancestry for my path. My ancestry includes Ireland, Scotland, England, Germany, Prussia, and Czechslavcia.

It'll be interesting what comes up.

Especially in the crazy days that we live in now.

Today was an interesting day. It didn't go quite as planned. Like yesterday, didn't go quite as planned.

So I woke up, at dark and early at 7 am. I was sitting on the toilet, minding my own business. And then I hear the drippings of water. Through the wall. And then water comes dribbling out of the medicine cabinet.

Great

I was just going to do a maintenance request, but as this was a leak in the wall, that was coming from the upstairs apartment, I opened up an emergency maintenance request.

To which they came within 30 minutes. Then I called my mechanic, confirmed my appointment, and went out into the world.

I stopped by Walgreens, and picked up some cash. Went to The Coop looking for some pom pom juice oh, they didn't have it. So I got some breakfast, it was $5. That's the cheapest Hotbar purchase I have ever made in my life.

It was a wonderful cheesy egg bake, which unfortunately had eggshells in it.

*sighs*

Then it was off to the mechanic, and he put my car up on the lift, checked it out, and came back in stating that it needed a tensioner. And that my main belt needed to be replaced.

Joy.

Now to be clear I suspected something was going on in that area.  Since when I use more power it's more pronounced in the "noise" it was making.  People saying it might be fluid or my trany, honestly I was born, but not yesterday.  Every single car that I have owned has not been younger than 1995.  So ... yeah, I'm pretty familiar with the alternator and or belts.

The total for parts with $94.71.

Meh

This was unexpected, I was not expecting paying any additional money, outside of labor.

Which I explained to my mechanic, because all I had was $80 and some change in the bank, and $60 cash for labor. So I was all for putting off the work that needed to be done, for at least a week.

But my mechanic did not agree with me. He would rather have the work done now, than have my car died somewhere on the road. So... I paid for the parts, and I still owe him for labor. Which will be paid next weekish.

Not exactly how I planned to spend my day off.

So, yeah.

So after that, I went down to the natural spring and pulled 10 gallons of water. Then I went to Aldi's I got some cabbage and potatoes for The Corned Beef if my roommate is cooking tonight, and got some groceries at Whole Foods.

I came home, I do a little fiddling, and then I went back to bed. That was 3.5 hours ago.

So this morning's intentional card of the day was Take Time Out: siesta – recharge – rest

This is not quite what I had planned today. I still need to do food prep. I am not feeling motivated to do it in any way shape or form. My roommate's cat is curled up in the Kitty bed. Guarding my rest.

I didn't want to take my desk down, so I brought my mattress out, put it up against the wall you're the window, and promptly went to sleep.

When I was out and about, I was considering taking a hot shower today. Which I still might. But not right now.

( Take Time Out )

I have been thinking about this a lot recently. That before I go searching for a home, I need to find my home within myself. And one of the things that I see when I visualize this, it's a rocking chair with a stool, sitting in front of a window. Or a rocking chair or a couch in front of a fireplace. To go here during meditation, and just sit.

I also found it very interesting, that my roommate's cat will come check on me, and even sleep in the bed that I have for my cat. Though, I think he does the bed thing to annoy my cat.

I was listening to The Mist Filled Path.  I've bought this book several times and never was able to complete it. So I bought it in audio format. It's going much better. In the chapter I was listening to, it mentioned sound.  Sound of breath, Sound of Mantras, Sound of Chakra's, Earth, etc.

And how in this day and age it can be so difficult to listen as the World goes on by, but the key is to listen.

On Saturday I drew Tune In and Connect: nonverbal communication – intuition– messages

( Tune In & Connect )
So if we were talking about Human Design, I'm a Sacral Authority 5/1.  Which actually means that I'm supposed to be navigating my life by my gut feelings. 

When I was a little girl, I remember having a gut feeling that I needed to get home, and I remember going home, and I got in trouble because I was out later than I was allowed.  Which makes no sense, because none of us had a watch, but we were some how supposed to know.

When I see clients, they say one thing, but then say something different, and we start on the thing mentioned more than once, and they ask how did you know...

I do listen, but sometimes I make noise loud enough, it's difficult to listen, because I'm really working on not to.

I did an 8 day challenge for you are enough, yesterday morning. It was phenomenal, the amount of energy raised through tapping, was very phenomenal. It was awesome. It's like when on the Reiki he's really moving, it's like tingly energy all over. It was awesome.

So the meditation this morning was about going deeper into different aspects of where we might not believe that we are enough. And today it was about money. This is an area of my life that I have always had problems with. Until I got the job that I do now, though some of the aspects I've had issues with in the past, are still present.

When I started this meditation, I felt it in my heart chakra, that same feeling that I did when I did a meditation earlier, where instead of the heart chakra it was the solar plexus chakra. And I yawned and burped all through meditation.

Which I am still doing right now. Burping. Yawning. Releasing. Which is good, but it also indicates that I may need to do this meditation repeatedly, because I feel that I have not released as much that needs to be released.

There is obviously some more work to be done.

*burp yawn*

I did this again today.  I basically repeated the day 1, because I noticed that I still needed more work yesterday.  I noticed the saying that Money is the Root of all evil, that came to mind so I worked on that as well.  But I still need to do more work, because some thoughts are still coming up, and I'm still burp yawning.

Today I drew the Shaolin Master from the Angels and Ancestors Oracle deck for my intentional card of the day.

Shaolin Master: be graceful in movement and action.

Slow and steady. Breathe and flow. Take a gentler approach.

( Shaolin Master:  )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today I went to work and I was relatively gentle.  That is to say I had more movement and less static pressure.  I actually feel better when I am moving at work, than when I'm sitting. Though sit more often, since most of the work I do with massage starts in the neck, back, shoulder region.  Which means sitting.  It's also a way to put the breaks on with pressure when sitting.  But it put stress on my body in different ways, because I am sitting for extended periods of time, even though I do enough moving. 

I came to the realization, that I don't want "project" friends.  I want friends that are on equal footing, or actually progress movement.  Because, every time I have a project friend, I end up helping them on their journey, and being distracted on my own journey. It's a pattern that continues to present itself.  Personally, I need to say no. 

But sometimes I forget why I just washed my hands of them and walked away.

To be honest I feel kind of stuck in my practice.  I know that my practice is changing, and I even feel I know the direction it's going to go, but I'm not there yet.  I know I need to change, I even know that I can't keep this going longer than necessary, but I'm not sure if I have the faith to take that big of leap yet.

So I'm using the opportunity to work on myself.  Tapping, Meditation, and reading/listening to books on topics I know that will help me heal and move forward.

Name: Medusa Healing (Kris)
Age: 45
Female

I've been with LJ/DW since 2004. I started under irish_dragon  on LJ and then DW.  If you want to to check that journal out, you can.  I talk more hot topics (ex: news, politics, frustrations, life).  I originally got DW as a back up, but after the exodus-ish of many, I just moved here and cross posted, till this year, when that feature stopped working.

I am single, and have been for years.  I work in the Massage Industry as an Intuitive Healer.  I'm blunt. I like/don't like it when other people are blunt, but honesty is the way to go. If you can't be honest, just be quiet.
Movies and Shows: Lord of the Rings and it's soundtrack, Strike Back, Discovery of Witches, Yellowstone, Soul, Jumanji, 2012, Immortals, 911, Hunter Killer, Underworld Series, Star Trek Reboot, Armageddon, Rush, Hawaii 5-0 reboot, The Original V Mini Series and first season, Airwolf, Caprica, Babylon 5, Grimm, Shadowhunters, The Originals, Sherlock, Priest, Safe Haven, Pitch Black, Fast Series,

As I do this meditation, I remember all the areas of the earth. And while I have not been to all of them, I have had the privilege to travel. I have been to the ocean, the Lakes, to rivers and streams, I've walked in the woods, I've walked in the plains, I've driven through the Heartland, I've lived in the mountains, I have lived in the coast, I have been around Wetlands, I have been in The Valleys, I've been in different countries. Not everyone can say this.

I am very grateful for mother nature. I am like when it snows. I love it when it rains. I love thunderstorms. I love walking through the grass. I love walking through the water. I love taking pictures of all the famous around me. I love traveling for the day. I will finding spaces where I can go. I'm so grateful that they're there. If we're not careful, it'll all be gone, in the name of progress and convenience.

We are willing to protest in the streets about things that we do not agree, yeah we're not willing to sit in a council meeting, or a board meeting, on a consistent basis, and hold our governments responsible for the changes in legislation that they put forth.

Development isn't thought about in a day, its planned months and two years in advance. Everyday locality, but down, and a city chooses to develop land that is home to thousands of different organisms creatures. But the price of progress, lol is sacrifice. Be careful, that the idea of preserving the environment, doesn't cost you the world that lives outside your door. That dream, is Just a Dream, unless we are willing as a people, to act instead of distract.

To be honest I didn't really feel much in this meditation. Nothing came to mind. It was just like meh.

However throughout yesterday I noticed that I wasn't as anxious in my sessions. I didn't talk as much. I allow the session to be the session for that which the client needed. I noticed this the night before yesterday as well. That I was much more quieter in my sessions.

I also noticed that I'm much more free with saying I love you currently that I have ever been before.

Today is tapping meditation was about gratitude for your voice. But not just gratitude for the voice that gives you positive things, also feeling gratitude for the negative self-talk, or sometimes we beat ourselves up because of this self talk. It's always you could have done that, or you would have done that or she would have done that, or you could have done that better, or why did I did that, or why did I say that, or a whole slew of different things that should have, would have, or could have.

While I'm doing this meditation I feel this tension in my right shoulder. It's like an uncomfortable friend to me at this point. I've noticed over the last couple years that I hold a lot of tension in my right side specifically around my right shoulder and my lower right hip lower back area. When I do a self massage in this area, it's deep into my piriformis in my glute muscular tissue. It's not only linked to what's going on in my shoulder, it's linked to what is going on in the lateral front of my foot. When I stick a lacrosse ball and I sit there and roll it around, it releases the hip, it moves to the knee, and if the lacrosse ball in my hamstrings, and it diminishes the entire shebang in my lower body. Then I work on my shoulder, which is much better with the work that I do in my glute.

It always fascinates me just how much our bodies are interlinked throughout the entire thing. It fascinates me that our self-talk, our voice, our emotions, our thoughts, and even the events in our lives can impact our body feels. It fascinates me just how much things are linked, that we may never had thought of linked. At least in Western Society.

People rag on Western Society because I don't know, do they not understand us. Or are we lost because our societies long ago were invaded and colonized. People call Western Society out, mainly white people, because they say that we don't have society and all we did was calling ice. Which I think is fascinating, because they disregard the history of the people who came from Europe. We ourselves were colonized Long Ago. By the time we had come to the New World, the old world, the old way of thinking, and our old societies we're all were already colonized for centuries.

I see on Tik Tok people just try to tell the white person they need to heal, they need to make reparations for the damage they have done, they need to do this, or that, or this thing from left to right field. Failing to realize that this work is not just work that needs to be done by the current Society, it's work that has to be done by all parties. It's not just the people from ancestral Europe, or China, or Africa, or any other country, this is worth it has to be done on an ancestral level throughout all our colors, races, and ethnicities. For all of us were part of the colonized and the colonizer. Whether it is what we did upon each other, or on other people, it's something that exists and all of our cultures around the world to some extent. It is part of our Collective, therefore the healing must be done on a collective basis.

But this work cannot be forced. To force this type of work within current on trauma, it must be of someone's free will to do this work. For it cannot be forced, harassed, are other means of violating someone's personal consent. This work must be done by free choice of the individual or the people involved.

We can be angry, frustrated, and fearful. But ultimately it is a choice. It's whether or not we wish to exercise that choice. Whether someone says no or yes, each are complete sentences.

We cannot force you to other to heal, nor can we force that choice. The more we try is a people to force this healing oh, the more of those who are not ready for this work, will dig their heels into the sand, or just turn our backs on us and tell us the fuck off.

While I understand this work is necessary, as my work is an intuitive worker, not everyone is ready for this work. It's important that we as a collective find the people who are ready for this work oh, and begin the work. There will always be those who don't want to do it, and that's okay. It may not be the correct lifetime, or the correct time for them, but ironically there is no right time, it's only time to do it. But again it has to be a choice, freely given consent, begin this work.

Which is interesting because in order to do this work, we must honor each and every voice, because each and every voice, each and every soul, is part of the collective, and it is an opportunity as a collective, to do great work, we must be willing to honor each other's voices even if we do not agree. For it is important that this work be done in love, not anger. Though, anger can be used as a flash point to start the work. Ironically.

( Morning Oracle Draw )
I've been doing tapping for a couple weeks now.  I paid for the membership to the app after I read Tapping for Weight loss, and it's sat for a bit. But things won't change unless I chose to change them. So rather than continue and expect something different, I started engaging.

But I've been doing a couple tapping exercises to address the anxiety unease that I feel in my chest lately.  This is the first time it dissipated completely to fear in my gut then when I utilized Reiki Power symbol the fear dissipated stage left. Literally out my lower left quadrant of my abdominal cavity.

So one Wednesday, one of my patients called in sick, and today one of my patients called in sick. 

It's interesting considering pre-covid and post-covid the mentality of people.  Considering pre-covid we would see more people coming into work and appointments "just getting over" or "I'm not feeling well" and still get work.  Now more and more people are staying home because they don't feel well.  Which is awesome, as I don't want it.  I don't believe anyone in my office wants it. 

However, the mentality of employers hasn't really changed.  They still expect their workers to come in when they are ill or mildly ill, or been around people that are mildly ill or exposed to ill.  Which is kinda what got us here right? 

The original period was 10-14 days with covid, now they've dialed it back to 5. Which if you are thinking about the common cold (a sars virus) the acute phase is on average about 3-5 days. Go figure.