Be the Light in the Night

During meditation yesterday, I had an idea. The Wheel of the Year has traditionally 4 seasons. Winter, Spring, Summer, and Autumn. With some important middle area dates as well.

So I created 4 communities:

winter_introspection
spring_newbeginnings
summer_growth
autumn_harvest

I was thinking about doing the directions with the seasons, but not all flavors of Religion or Spiritual practice have the same designation for the Directions. The one that I practice puts East-Air-Spring-Yellow, which isn't the same on every path.

But seasons are just on a calendar, they are seasons of life. While it might be spring outside, you personally could be in Autumn.

Like this year is a 9 year, but I'm in my 3 year.

Some basics:

1. Stay on the topic of the post and community.
2. Be Polite
3. You are not entitled to someone's time or content.
4. Rude, Bullying behavior will get you banned and blocked.
5. You are 100% responsible for your own Reality.

the ending of a year. It's always interesting to contemplate the endings and beginnings, because there isn't a true ending. Energy cannot be destroyed, it can change, be influenced, remade into something else, but it is never truly gone. Fire itself is both destructive and creative. There is always new growth, but maybe not in the exact way you expected or intended.

new beginnings. It's always interesting to see people celebrate the new year, but then go back to the old ways of doing things. What would happen if no matter what every day we begin it anew and practice new ways instead of the past ways and conditionings.

what I've done to protect myself. It was the best I could do with the tools I was taught, but now it's time to lay them down. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this, and where I'm going to take it. What type of new tools will I have? Will I create them or find them? Am I the tool itself? How will it be when I don't hide anymore? How will that change things around me and for me? Sometimes it's daunting the think about and I want to hide, but I've hidden long enough.

the people and places in my life that provide both inspiration and encouragement. My family sees me one way. My roommate another. My High Priestess another. My teacher another. My clients another. Which face is mine. I wonder this sometimes. I can mold to another's perceptions quite easily. I forget sometimes to be me. When I go to places that are my happy space and place or hang with people that just allow me to be me (whoever that maybe), I feel inspired and contemplate what could be, if I were able to see.

fire, thunder, the tower, Ragnarok, death, the Hermit, the Hanged Man all the things we fear. Change is something that happens, and the more we fight it, the more it changes. I welcome this change, it whatever form it comes, because I know it will teach me something new, and it may even force me to be ME.

I have my alarms switched to my Alexa device in the morning.  This is an effort to get my reliance on my phone delegated to something that does not require that I interact with my phone.   I have also begun putting my phone on airplane mode, to remove aspects of what is going on which does help.  I am sleeping better doing this.

I would like to get to the point where I am not utilizing my phone as a distraction in any way other than what I need it for in that moment.

This morning I spent more than an hour on it looking through Instagram.  I think this is in large part that I was taught to 'escape' my circumstances by either going into my imagination or looking for a distraction.  As time went on, we got this nice box thing that we can look at all day, and be distracted about what is going on in a reality not our own, but part of our reality non the less because it's something we have access to.

I got frustrated with myself, and uninstalled Instagram, and then did a morning meditation. 

My eventual focus was what do I could I do to improve my life and change my world for my highest good.

My body needs some love, and also myself.  I remember how active I was when I was younger and also when I lived outside of the cities.

I know or have experience of what makes my body happy.  But always seem to drop off that particular wagon and go for comfort instead of improvement.

One of the reasons I wanted to take the Psychic classes again, was I wanted the opportunity to work with others in these classes.  However, the other people at this time are not in the time that they feel that they can commit to these classes.  I also realize that I am not really ready or feeling that I want to continue classes with my circle, because I ultimately do not fully trust my High Priestess, nor do I believe that I will be in this location long enough to complete the training. My High Priest was the main reason that I was in this circle, and he has passed. 

I'm not to the point that I'm willing to voice this choice.  It's there in my mind and heart.   But I'm procrastinating on the execution of that outcome.  Which will inevitably come up when my High Priestess realizes that I have started classes there, where I have sought to start classes with her.

Today is tapping meditation was about gratitude for your voice. But not just gratitude for the voice that gives you positive things, also feeling gratitude for the negative self-talk, or sometimes we beat ourselves up because of this self talk. It's always you could have done that, or you would have done that or she would have done that, or you could have done that better, or why did I did that, or why did I say that, or a whole slew of different things that should have, would have, or could have.

While I'm doing this meditation I feel this tension in my right shoulder. It's like an uncomfortable friend to me at this point. I've noticed over the last couple years that I hold a lot of tension in my right side specifically around my right shoulder and my lower right hip lower back area. When I do a self massage in this area, it's deep into my piriformis in my glute muscular tissue. It's not only linked to what's going on in my shoulder, it's linked to what is going on in the lateral front of my foot. When I stick a lacrosse ball and I sit there and roll it around, it releases the hip, it moves to the knee, and if the lacrosse ball in my hamstrings, and it diminishes the entire shebang in my lower body. Then I work on my shoulder, which is much better with the work that I do in my glute.

It always fascinates me just how much our bodies are interlinked throughout the entire thing. It fascinates me that our self-talk, our voice, our emotions, our thoughts, and even the events in our lives can impact our body feels. It fascinates me just how much things are linked, that we may never had thought of linked. At least in Western Society.

People rag on Western Society because I don't know, do they not understand us. Or are we lost because our societies long ago were invaded and colonized. People call Western Society out, mainly white people, because they say that we don't have society and all we did was calling ice. Which I think is fascinating, because they disregard the history of the people who came from Europe. We ourselves were colonized Long Ago. By the time we had come to the New World, the old world, the old way of thinking, and our old societies we're all were already colonized for centuries.

I see on Tik Tok people just try to tell the white person they need to heal, they need to make reparations for the damage they have done, they need to do this, or that, or this thing from left to right field. Failing to realize that this work is not just work that needs to be done by the current Society, it's work that has to be done by all parties. It's not just the people from ancestral Europe, or China, or Africa, or any other country, this is worth it has to be done on an ancestral level throughout all our colors, races, and ethnicities. For all of us were part of the colonized and the colonizer. Whether it is what we did upon each other, or on other people, it's something that exists and all of our cultures around the world to some extent. It is part of our Collective, therefore the healing must be done on a collective basis.

But this work cannot be forced. To force this type of work within current on trauma, it must be of someone's free will to do this work. For it cannot be forced, harassed, are other means of violating someone's personal consent. This work must be done by free choice of the individual or the people involved.

We can be angry, frustrated, and fearful. But ultimately it is a choice. It's whether or not we wish to exercise that choice. Whether someone says no or yes, each are complete sentences.

We cannot force you to other to heal, nor can we force that choice. The more we try is a people to force this healing oh, the more of those who are not ready for this work, will dig their heels into the sand, or just turn our backs on us and tell us the fuck off.

While I understand this work is necessary, as my work is an intuitive worker, not everyone is ready for this work. It's important that we as a collective find the people who are ready for this work oh, and begin the work. There will always be those who don't want to do it, and that's okay. It may not be the correct lifetime, or the correct time for them, but ironically there is no right time, it's only time to do it. But again it has to be a choice, freely given consent, begin this work.

Which is interesting because in order to do this work, we must honor each and every voice, because each and every voice, each and every soul, is part of the collective, and it is an opportunity as a collective, to do great work, we must be willing to honor each other's voices even if we do not agree. For it is important that this work be done in love, not anger. Though, anger can be used as a flash point to start the work. Ironically.